addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
false alarm, still single
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
