We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
