I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
