apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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