Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
