Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
