I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
