On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
