1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
