Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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