he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
