k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
