Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
