new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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