he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
