my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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