no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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