The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
