i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
