Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
