well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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