party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We have so much sex to catch up on
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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