I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
