Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
