we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize