Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
