I have demons in me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
