his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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