I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
