the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
