I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
