I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
