: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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