No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
