would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
