She went from zero to smokin in five shots
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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