He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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