peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
