also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
