Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
