I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
