My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
