I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize