I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.