So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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