So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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