We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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