I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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