i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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