dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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