like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
