i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
