Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I touched a dick in church today
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
