she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
