Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
