Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
