I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
