yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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