:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
