Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize