The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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