I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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