Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
