Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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