mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
