I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
