you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
