My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
