I hate all girls vehemently.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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