Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
