no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
