So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
3pm strippers are depressing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
