guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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