I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
