I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
