shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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