Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i out mim tonsoeep
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
