Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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