he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
