he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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