those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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