Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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