i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
