i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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